This could just as easily be called "can't keep a secret." I'm just not good at waiting.
I know people who are perfectly capable of making the perfect purchase in July and waiting patiently until Christmas to present the present. I'm not one of them. When I find THE gift for the giftless I want to dance and prance and crow and get it immediately into the hands of the person so they can share my joy.
This is why I end up empty handed at Christmas. It's also why I have trouble understanding how all of these knitting bloggers can find things to talk about every day on their blogs. Aren't they committing precisely the faux pas of which I speak or don't any of the people they knit for actually read their blogs? I'm sitting here with my knitting in my lap (so I have something to do while I'm composing, doncha know) and it's all I can do not to tell you all about the perfect gift for a cajun baby.
Fortunately, Holly has her tree of life throw pillow already. I was her not so secret elf (it's hard to keep it a secret when you're the only one in the group who knits and the books might have been a rather strong hint as well, but what do you want from a librarian?) and since I"m making her a Lionbrand Nature in Natural afghan, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to make her a pillow to go with it. I used the free pattern for the tree of life sweater. In case anyone ever needs to know this, the tree of life section is the perfect size for a 10x10 inch square pillow form. I'm thinking of making myself the other Lionbrand tree of life afghan. Either that or I'm going to use the same technique they use to make myself a Great American Afghan without having to sew squares together. Not only am I avoiding swatching until I find a creative and original use for all those swatches, but I'm also constantly in search of ways to avoid sewing things together.
I may have to break down and take a class on it so I can feel more confident about it. That would open a lot of patterns up for consideration that I am assiduously avoiding in the meantime.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
To Do List
Number one should be: Figure out what to put ON the to do list. It feels like things would all fall into place if I just knew what I had to do to accomplish it all. Actually, it should be more like an outline for a paper entitled
I. Get on Track with Diet and Exercise.
A. Go to Gym 4 days a week.
B. USE WW tools and follow the plan.
II. Get on Track with the Library
A. Hire a Great Youth Services Librarian
B. Make Change slooowly.
It's not the big bulletin items I have trouble putting into words or even into action. It's life's little details I keep stumbling over - the chocolate ice cream cake in the freezer that somebody has to eat. I know, why does somebody have to eat it? The birthday party's over. Ditch the cake. Sounds so easy when I tell someone else to do it, but even though no one else in the house will eat it, everybody else in the house will have something to say about me throwing away a perfectly good cake. Whoa. Epiphany happening. This is exactly the same problem I am having at work.
It's all the second guessers that are the stumbling block. In both places, my challenge in life is to get a whole group of people to buy into my plans and the way to do that is to make it our plans. Sounds wonderful. How the heck do I make it happen?
Note: If you were hoping for the answer to appear next, you're out of luck. Sometimes the only way to do it is to just start doing something and go from there. Baby steps. Sounds great, so why is my gut reaction (pun intended) to eat the rest of the cake so it won't be there to sabotage me tomorrow?
And in the meantime, one still has to shovel the end of the driveway because the snowplow came through and decide whether or not the two hour school delay means one should delay the opening of the library as well whilst ensuring that one arrives early enough one's self to salt and shovel the pathways to the library door, both for the staff and the patrons, and get the teen to school on time, and still plan things like a point friendly packed lunch. Then there's the staff member who is probably panicking right about now because her two part time jobs are going to run into each other because of the school delay, which means I should plan on doing her story time this morning and there's the other teen who is staying home sick today and oh yes, there's knitting tonight.
No wonder I have trouble with the big picture.
Life of Gonad
A. Go to Gym 4 days a week.
B. USE WW tools and follow the plan.
II. Get on Track with the Library
A. Hire a Great Youth Services Librarian
B. Make Change slooowly.
It's not the big bulletin items I have trouble putting into words or even into action. It's life's little details I keep stumbling over - the chocolate ice cream cake in the freezer that somebody has to eat. I know, why does somebody have to eat it? The birthday party's over. Ditch the cake. Sounds so easy when I tell someone else to do it, but even though no one else in the house will eat it, everybody else in the house will have something to say about me throwing away a perfectly good cake. Whoa. Epiphany happening. This is exactly the same problem I am having at work.
It's all the second guessers that are the stumbling block. In both places, my challenge in life is to get a whole group of people to buy into my plans and the way to do that is to make it our plans. Sounds wonderful. How the heck do I make it happen?
Note: If you were hoping for the answer to appear next, you're out of luck. Sometimes the only way to do it is to just start doing something and go from there. Baby steps. Sounds great, so why is my gut reaction (pun intended) to eat the rest of the cake so it won't be there to sabotage me tomorrow?
And in the meantime, one still has to shovel the end of the driveway because the snowplow came through and decide whether or not the two hour school delay means one should delay the opening of the library as well whilst ensuring that one arrives early enough one's self to salt and shovel the pathways to the library door, both for the staff and the patrons, and get the teen to school on time, and still plan things like a point friendly packed lunch. Then there's the staff member who is probably panicking right about now because her two part time jobs are going to run into each other because of the school delay, which means I should plan on doing her story time this morning and there's the other teen who is staying home sick today and oh yes, there's knitting tonight.
No wonder I have trouble with the big picture.
Friday, October 26, 2007
The librarian never rests
I'm at home.Brrring. Brrrring. "Hello."
"Hi is Mary there?"
"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number."Brrring.
"Hello."
"Hi, is Mary there?"
"What number are you dialing, hon?"
"Insert my phone #."
"I'm sorry, hon, you must have the wrong number because there's no Mary here."
Chat with mom for awhile, then Brrrring.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Mary Smith's number."
"No, this is Mrs. Librarian's number, but wait, I can give you Mary's number."
"Oh, is this Mrs. Librarian?"
"Yes it is."
"Hiiiii."
"Okay, here you go XXX-XXXX."
"Thank you, Mrs. Librarian."
"You're welcome, hon."
It's really not that small a town.
"Mary" is my son's best friend's little sister. I'm left wondering how my number wound up next to Mary's name somewhere.
The town I grew up in is that small. When we were really little, we still had an operator who would connect you. My sister once picked up the phone at about age 2 and said "Hello," and a voice said "Suzanne Thompson (name changed to protect the guilty), hang up that phone right now." Scared her half to death. My Godmother was the operator.
If you dial the wrong number in Berne, the person who answers will be your 4th cousin twice removed and will probably recognize your voice.
"Hi is Mary there?"
"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number."Brrring.
"Hello."
"Hi, is Mary there?"
"What number are you dialing, hon?"
"Insert my phone #."
"I'm sorry, hon, you must have the wrong number because there's no Mary here."
Chat with mom for awhile, then Brrrring.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Mary Smith's number."
"No, this is Mrs. Librarian's number, but wait, I can give you Mary's number."
"Oh, is this Mrs. Librarian?"
"Yes it is."
"Hiiiii."
"Okay, here you go XXX-XXXX."
"Thank you, Mrs. Librarian."
"You're welcome, hon."
It's really not that small a town.
"Mary" is my son's best friend's little sister. I'm left wondering how my number wound up next to Mary's name somewhere.
The town I grew up in is that small. When we were really little, we still had an operator who would connect you. My sister once picked up the phone at about age 2 and said "Hello," and a voice said "Suzanne Thompson (name changed to protect the guilty), hang up that phone right now." Scared her half to death. My Godmother was the operator.
If you dial the wrong number in Berne, the person who answers will be your 4th cousin twice removed and will probably recognize your voice.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Use the whole book or find a different one
I originally posted this on a librarian list, but it is relevent to my Idealism post from last year and expresses my feelings about the whole topic a little bit more clearly, if not necessarily more eloquently.
Two parents brought me books this week that their 11th grade sons are reading in English. One is on a "pick one of these 5 books" list, the other is required reading for the class. The first book is Water for Elephants. The second is Memoirs of a Geisha. Both have pretty explicit sex scenes. They wanted my opinion. Both parents were told by the school that the principal has read the books and approved them, that they have been approved by the school board, and that they are college level courses that therefore have more mature themes.
I had a similar issue with my own son last year with Ragtime, and I told both parents the same thing I told the teacher at the time. My problem isn't with the scenes in the book. My problem is that they admit outright that they don't discuss them. Um, in college they would. They'd talk about exploitation of women, both historically and today. They'd talk about how the language used pulls the reader out of the scene (the use of anatomically correct words in the middle of a striptease) to become a more critical observor of what's happening in it. Instead, they pretend the scenes don't exist and don't help the students deal with any emotions that might be evoked (like the teen who went home and told his parents he'd been learning about the meaninglessness of life (The French Lieutenant's Woman) and was now trying to figure out a painless way of ending it all).
What a great opportunity to have a school counselor come in and discuss the fact that things in books and the news can trigger emotions that can be confusing and talk about ways to deal with all of that. Instead, they just moved on to another book, totally oblivious to the impact that book had had upon this young man. I'm certainly NOT saying that they shouldn't have read that book. If they hadn't, the boy might not have gone to his parents in time to get help. But what about all the students who don't know where to turn when these things happen?
I don't want those parents to demand that the books be removed from the curriculum. I want them to demand that they be used to teach and discuss and open minds. Rather than hoping that most parents won't bother to read the books, I'd like to see the school invite the parents to be part of a book discussion held some evening so that they can see that the books do have something to offer besides lurid sex scenes.
I also told both parents that if the schools aren't discussing those scenes with their children (and they aren't - they tell them to turn the page if something disturbs them), they should do so themselves. What a great opportunity to share your own morals and outrage and sadness, etc., in a nonconfrontational, nonpersonal setting.
Two parents brought me books this week that their 11th grade sons are reading in English. One is on a "pick one of these 5 books" list, the other is required reading for the class. The first book is Water for Elephants. The second is Memoirs of a Geisha. Both have pretty explicit sex scenes. They wanted my opinion. Both parents were told by the school that the principal has read the books and approved them, that they have been approved by the school board, and that they are college level courses that therefore have more mature themes.
I had a similar issue with my own son last year with Ragtime, and I told both parents the same thing I told the teacher at the time. My problem isn't with the scenes in the book. My problem is that they admit outright that they don't discuss them. Um, in college they would. They'd talk about exploitation of women, both historically and today. They'd talk about how the language used pulls the reader out of the scene (the use of anatomically correct words in the middle of a striptease) to become a more critical observor of what's happening in it. Instead, they pretend the scenes don't exist and don't help the students deal with any emotions that might be evoked (like the teen who went home and told his parents he'd been learning about the meaninglessness of life (The French Lieutenant's Woman) and was now trying to figure out a painless way of ending it all).
What a great opportunity to have a school counselor come in and discuss the fact that things in books and the news can trigger emotions that can be confusing and talk about ways to deal with all of that. Instead, they just moved on to another book, totally oblivious to the impact that book had had upon this young man. I'm certainly NOT saying that they shouldn't have read that book. If they hadn't, the boy might not have gone to his parents in time to get help. But what about all the students who don't know where to turn when these things happen?
I don't want those parents to demand that the books be removed from the curriculum. I want them to demand that they be used to teach and discuss and open minds. Rather than hoping that most parents won't bother to read the books, I'd like to see the school invite the parents to be part of a book discussion held some evening so that they can see that the books do have something to offer besides lurid sex scenes.
I also told both parents that if the schools aren't discussing those scenes with their children (and they aren't - they tell them to turn the page if something disturbs them), they should do so themselves. What a great opportunity to share your own morals and outrage and sadness, etc., in a nonconfrontational, nonpersonal setting.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Knit Bits
I have to thank my friends for having lives and doing things like having babies and falling in love (not necessarily in that order). It gives me this lovely excuse for knitting adorable little baby things and lavish afghans. I probably come across as the most conceited thing alive when I show off my finished objects, but the truth of the matter is that I'm in awe of the designers who are cabable of creating and describing patterns that actually wind up looking okay when I'm finished with them. These are baby GG's presents (model not included). I really did try to lighten it up. I apparently had a foot fetish going here. Baby K has a plethora of hats. Who knows what I'll get stuck on with baby X. 
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Life and Death
Thursday was one of those classic life cycle days - a beautiful new baby (welcome, Georgia) came into the world and a very special friend (goodbye, Melanie) left it.
This loss was very hard, partly because it was sudden and unexpected, partly because she was only 45. I only saw her 3 or 4 times a year, but we always saved each other seats at our library meetings, and knit together.
I think she would have been annoyed by the timing. I can picture her standing in front of St. Peter, calmly pointing out that it was the middle of her summer reading program and did he realize the party was next week, and that she has 3 boys to send off to college this month, and she really wanted to finish just one more preemie hat. It's yet another thing that makes me doubt St. Peter's existence, because I can't imagine him standing firm in the face of Melanie's conviction that she should be returned immediately, especially if there were dirty dishes in the sink (although I bet there weren't).
I keep feeling like I should be able to call her and talk about the silly mistake they made.
I'll miss you, Melanie. Save me a seat.
This loss was very hard, partly because it was sudden and unexpected, partly because she was only 45. I only saw her 3 or 4 times a year, but we always saved each other seats at our library meetings, and knit together.
I think she would have been annoyed by the timing. I can picture her standing in front of St. Peter, calmly pointing out that it was the middle of her summer reading program and did he realize the party was next week, and that she has 3 boys to send off to college this month, and she really wanted to finish just one more preemie hat. It's yet another thing that makes me doubt St. Peter's existence, because I can't imagine him standing firm in the face of Melanie's conviction that she should be returned immediately, especially if there were dirty dishes in the sink (although I bet there weren't).
I keep feeling like I should be able to call her and talk about the silly mistake they made.
I'll miss you, Melanie. Save me a seat.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Books for Babies
A friend asked for a list of books for babies and since I recently attended 2 workshops on Creating Readers, I want to share some of the things that were brought up there. I'm sure I'll be adding to the list. This is just what I came up with so far.
Board books and bath books are perfect for babies. Babies explore books with their whole bodies. They hear you say the words, they see the pictures, they touch the pages and they chew on them. Touch and feel books are wonderful, but you have to choose them carefully. Pat the Bunny is actually a pretty poor choice because the little blanket can come off and become a choking hazard. Look at the book carefully to make sure the corners are rounded because baby will inevitable smack herself in the face with it and you want to protect her eyes. A good board book for babies has one bright/high contrast picture on each page.
I prefer the large board book version of Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown because the colors just seem brighter and bolder. It will also hold up to a lot of readings. If you get a baby a pop-up book, let the mom know that it should be put away for at least 3 years and even then it should be a "let's look at this together," book. My favorite for this purpose is David Carter's If you're happy and you know it. I use it at every story time, along with The Wheels on the Bus by Paul Zelinsky. Some other personal favorites include: The Baby Goes Beep, by Rebecca O'Connell and We've all got bellybuttons, by David Martin.
I personally think it would be way cool to make a ritual of giving a Robert Sabuda pop up book for every birthday or holiday because they're gorgeous, but they're really not appropriate until about 5 or 6.
Here is the New York Public Library's list of 100 picture books everyone should know:
http://kids.nypl.org/reading/recommended2.cfm?ListID=61
Hoban's board books with the simple black and white pictures are perfect. So are books with photos of babies.
Black on White (Board book) by Tana Hoban
Baby Einstein: Water, Water Everywhere: A Splash & Giggle Bath Book (Baby Einstein) (Bath Book) .
Sandra Boynton's board books are delightful and funny, as are the Pigeon books (Don't let the pigeon drive the bus and The Pigeon finds a hotdog are my favorites) by Mo Willems. Doreen Cronin's books are very funny (Click Clack Moo and Diary of a worm).
I would also get something along these lines: http://www.baby-wise.com/popup_image.php?pID=112, and put in a picture of yourself.
Since this is my diatribe, I'm telling you all now, I don't like The Giving Tree (selfish boy takes everything the tree has to give until he uses it all up), Rainbow Fish (it's not okay to be different and you can buy friends), or Love You Forever (mother crawls in through adult son's window to rock him - smother love, anyone?).
Board books and bath books are perfect for babies. Babies explore books with their whole bodies. They hear you say the words, they see the pictures, they touch the pages and they chew on them. Touch and feel books are wonderful, but you have to choose them carefully. Pat the Bunny is actually a pretty poor choice because the little blanket can come off and become a choking hazard. Look at the book carefully to make sure the corners are rounded because baby will inevitable smack herself in the face with it and you want to protect her eyes. A good board book for babies has one bright/high contrast picture on each page.
I prefer the large board book version of Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown because the colors just seem brighter and bolder. It will also hold up to a lot of readings. If you get a baby a pop-up book, let the mom know that it should be put away for at least 3 years and even then it should be a "let's look at this together," book. My favorite for this purpose is David Carter's If you're happy and you know it. I use it at every story time, along with The Wheels on the Bus by Paul Zelinsky. Some other personal favorites include: The Baby Goes Beep, by Rebecca O'Connell and We've all got bellybuttons, by David Martin.
I personally think it would be way cool to make a ritual of giving a Robert Sabuda pop up book for every birthday or holiday because they're gorgeous, but they're really not appropriate until about 5 or 6.
Here is the New York Public Library's list of 100 picture books everyone should know:
http://kids.nypl.org/reading/recommended2.cfm?ListID=61
Hoban's board books with the simple black and white pictures are perfect. So are books with photos of babies.
Black on White (Board book) by Tana Hoban
Baby Einstein: Water, Water Everywhere: A Splash & Giggle Bath Book (Baby Einstein) (Bath Book) .
Sandra Boynton's board books are delightful and funny, as are the Pigeon books (Don't let the pigeon drive the bus and The Pigeon finds a hotdog are my favorites) by Mo Willems. Doreen Cronin's books are very funny (Click Clack Moo and Diary of a worm).
I would also get something along these lines: http://www.baby-wise.com/popup_image.php?pID=112, and put in a picture of yourself.
Since this is my diatribe, I'm telling you all now, I don't like The Giving Tree (selfish boy takes everything the tree has to give until he uses it all up), Rainbow Fish (it's not okay to be different and you can buy friends), or Love You Forever (mother crawls in through adult son's window to rock him - smother love, anyone?).
Thursday, October 05, 2006
When Idealism meets Reality
I have always been a strong supporter of teachers taking risks in their book selections. I sincerely believe that hiding reality from students is a big mistake and that it's better for them to have the opportunity to discuss hard topics in a safe environment and in the abstract. While it is my wish for them that they never actually have to deal with things like incest, date rape, or suicide in their real lives, I think they are better prepared for those things if they have met up with them in a book and have had an opportunity to talk through different ways of handling traumatic experiences.
I also "know" that fiction allows students to explore the philosophies and views of different historical time periods in context and when the different departments work together, suddenly the books you're reading in English make sense when put together with what was happening at that same time in history and it all becomes more meaningful.
That's all great in the abstract.
It suddenly takes on a whole new slant when a 16 year old comes to you and says his life is meaningless and has no purpose and the only reason he's still alive is that he's pretty sure suicide would hurt. During the three hours spent in the emergency room waiting for a psych eval he then reveals to his father that they have been studying existentialism and suicide in The French Lieutenant's Woman and it "got him thinking about the futility of it all."
Do I think the book caused the boy's depression? No, I don't really think depression works that way. I do, however, believe that teachers need to consider the emotional state of adolescents when making their choices. I'm not even saying don't read a particular book because of the issues. I am saying it's crucial to anticipate the possible reactions of the students and discuss them during class, not just leave them wallowing in despair. Say it right out loud: "This book might leave you feeling sad and depressed because it hits a nerve. Here are some people you can talk to: the teacher, the school counselor, your pastor, your parents."
When a teen suicide becomes public knowledge, parents and teachers become more alert to the signs and symptoms of suicidal ideation in the school population, knowing that the "success" of one student can act as a trigger for others. It suddenly becomes real and possible and those who are vulnerable to the idea may start talking about it or even try it. Does this mean you should try to keep students from finding out or talking about what happened? Of course not. It means that you have to be very aware of the possible fall out so you can identify the students who need help and get it for them.
We need to remember that books can be an equally powerful catalyst for action. When students read about rape or incest or suicide in books, they can find the courage within themselves to speak out, to ask for help, to believe that they, too, can overcome their obstacles. Parents, teachers, and counselors need to work together so that they can be aware and ready for the possible fall out because sometimes the cry for help is expressed in a very scary and negative way - "If I weren't afraid it would hurt, I would have killed myself already." It's easy to say "They should never have read that horrible book," but if they hadn't, he might not have asked for help in time. The pivotal event might have been something so personal and immediate that he wouldn't have had the time or the rationality to walk down those stairs and say "I can't get these thoughts out of my head and I'm scared."
I also "know" that fiction allows students to explore the philosophies and views of different historical time periods in context and when the different departments work together, suddenly the books you're reading in English make sense when put together with what was happening at that same time in history and it all becomes more meaningful.
That's all great in the abstract.
It suddenly takes on a whole new slant when a 16 year old comes to you and says his life is meaningless and has no purpose and the only reason he's still alive is that he's pretty sure suicide would hurt. During the three hours spent in the emergency room waiting for a psych eval he then reveals to his father that they have been studying existentialism and suicide in The French Lieutenant's Woman and it "got him thinking about the futility of it all."
Do I think the book caused the boy's depression? No, I don't really think depression works that way. I do, however, believe that teachers need to consider the emotional state of adolescents when making their choices. I'm not even saying don't read a particular book because of the issues. I am saying it's crucial to anticipate the possible reactions of the students and discuss them during class, not just leave them wallowing in despair. Say it right out loud: "This book might leave you feeling sad and depressed because it hits a nerve. Here are some people you can talk to: the teacher, the school counselor, your pastor, your parents."
When a teen suicide becomes public knowledge, parents and teachers become more alert to the signs and symptoms of suicidal ideation in the school population, knowing that the "success" of one student can act as a trigger for others. It suddenly becomes real and possible and those who are vulnerable to the idea may start talking about it or even try it. Does this mean you should try to keep students from finding out or talking about what happened? Of course not. It means that you have to be very aware of the possible fall out so you can identify the students who need help and get it for them.
We need to remember that books can be an equally powerful catalyst for action. When students read about rape or incest or suicide in books, they can find the courage within themselves to speak out, to ask for help, to believe that they, too, can overcome their obstacles. Parents, teachers, and counselors need to work together so that they can be aware and ready for the possible fall out because sometimes the cry for help is expressed in a very scary and negative way - "If I weren't afraid it would hurt, I would have killed myself already." It's easy to say "They should never have read that horrible book," but if they hadn't, he might not have asked for help in time. The pivotal event might have been something so personal and immediate that he wouldn't have had the time or the rationality to walk down those stairs and say "I can't get these thoughts out of my head and I'm scared."
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Cliques, Gangs, and Groups
It bothers me every time someone on the WW board plays the clique card and I started thinking about why I take it personally. Part of it is because I am an individual and while I have made wonderful friends on the 50+ Board, I am not afraid to disagree with them and I certainly wouldn't "attack" another poster on their say so. I will speak up if I see someone being treated unfairly, no matter who they are (including my friends - it would be weird to exclude them).
I was mostly a loner as a child and teen. I had friends, but I didn't belong to a group. I wasn't a music or a jock or a cheerleader or a druggie. I was smart but I didn't have the grades to be one of the brains. It was a small school. That was pretty much all the choices available. I was an "other."
In ninth grade, they made us read the short story "The Lottery." I think it's one of those things they make you read so you will think about the consequences of giving in to peer pressure. I just want my ninth grade English teacher to know that it worked! I fear mob mentality enough to keep me constantly on the edge of large groups. I want to make sure I can escape quickly if they turn ugly. As soon as things seem to be heading that way, I get uncomfortable.
That's why I really object when anyone implies that I belong to a gang on the 50+ Board.
I was mostly a loner as a child and teen. I had friends, but I didn't belong to a group. I wasn't a music or a jock or a cheerleader or a druggie. I was smart but I didn't have the grades to be one of the brains. It was a small school. That was pretty much all the choices available. I was an "other."
In ninth grade, they made us read the short story "The Lottery." I think it's one of those things they make you read so you will think about the consequences of giving in to peer pressure. I just want my ninth grade English teacher to know that it worked! I fear mob mentality enough to keep me constantly on the edge of large groups. I want to make sure I can escape quickly if they turn ugly. As soon as things seem to be heading that way, I get uncomfortable.
That's why I really object when anyone implies that I belong to a gang on the 50+ Board.
Guys and Gals in Groups
The first of two commentaries about groups. I've known for years that men and women behave differently at the work place as well as at home. The women I have worked with formed closer friendships than the males, but were also more likely to have major emotional scenes. We talk about each other, complain about each other, and tend to tell our grievances to everybody in the building except the person with whom we are having a problem. This is why my husband refers to women in the work place as "cats in a bag." Don't worry, I smack him.
Men seem to take things less personally and I have never heard one say that his feelings were hurt by another one or that this or that one is always leaving things on his desk or eating his crackers or stealing his pens.
My next observation is about men doing things like changing tires or working out. Have you ever witnessed this phenomenon? 3 men hover around the car. The fourth changes the tire while the other 3 watch and critique his performance, often whilst holding beers. If someone watching me change a tire had the temerity to offer criticism, I'd shove the tire iron where the sun doesn't shine, but men seem to enjoy this behavior. This is where my flash of insight came into the picture. This is why they don't implode at work, either!
I recently joined a gym. This is a unique opportunity for me to observe the behavior of the male animal in what used to be his own habitat. Like many other male hang outs, this one has been encroached upon by the female of the species. I discovered that men lift weights the same way they change tires, just minus the beer! One lifts while the other 2 or 3 stand there and watch and comment on his technique or talk about sports or their wives.
I concentrate on my weight lifting, enjoying the whole process of making my muscles stronger, then I take my shower, and go to work. I love hanging out with my friends. I go shopping, sit and knit, go to book discussion groups, or just sit around and drink wine, but I don't want them at the gym with me.
Men seem to take things less personally and I have never heard one say that his feelings were hurt by another one or that this or that one is always leaving things on his desk or eating his crackers or stealing his pens.
My next observation is about men doing things like changing tires or working out. Have you ever witnessed this phenomenon? 3 men hover around the car. The fourth changes the tire while the other 3 watch and critique his performance, often whilst holding beers. If someone watching me change a tire had the temerity to offer criticism, I'd shove the tire iron where the sun doesn't shine, but men seem to enjoy this behavior. This is where my flash of insight came into the picture. This is why they don't implode at work, either!
I recently joined a gym. This is a unique opportunity for me to observe the behavior of the male animal in what used to be his own habitat. Like many other male hang outs, this one has been encroached upon by the female of the species. I discovered that men lift weights the same way they change tires, just minus the beer! One lifts while the other 2 or 3 stand there and watch and comment on his technique or talk about sports or their wives.
I concentrate on my weight lifting, enjoying the whole process of making my muscles stronger, then I take my shower, and go to work. I love hanging out with my friends. I go shopping, sit and knit, go to book discussion groups, or just sit around and drink wine, but I don't want them at the gym with me.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Are there Cliques on the Board?
Yet another post from the 50+ Board. At least now we can just refer people here.
The clique card has been played before and I still say it's more about the board personality that has developed over time. Some of us (koff - mom) are more diplomatic than others (koff koff - Cat). Yes, over time friendships (and enemyships) strengthen and grow and we make jokes and refer to things that happened in a past you weren't here for. But we did not all get here at the same time and there are a number of different groups of friends and posters who get along with everybody as well as those who get along with nobody.
When I got here in April of 2005, I didn't KNOW anybody here. I read several different groups, went back through days of threads following the conversations and topics and contributed something here and there and eventually someone responded to something I had said (you would not believe how many threads I KILLED first), then someone else commented on my awesome progress, then I joined a challenge, and over time (we're talking about 6-9 MONTHS) I became a familiar name and developed some friendships that I will always cherish.
When you've been reading here for awhile, you start to feel like you really KNOW the posters and you may think this one is really arrogant or that one is incredibly funny, or wow, that one is just so simpatico, and you want to join in. Do it, but remember that the person you are responding to so warmly and familiarly doesn't know you from Jack - yet. She might very well verbally recoil or rebuff you in the same way she would if a total stranger ran up to her in the street and hugged her. We need time to get to know you, too.
The clique card has been played before and I still say it's more about the board personality that has developed over time. Some of us (koff - mom) are more diplomatic than others (koff koff - Cat). Yes, over time friendships (and enemyships) strengthen and grow and we make jokes and refer to things that happened in a past you weren't here for. But we did not all get here at the same time and there are a number of different groups of friends and posters who get along with everybody as well as those who get along with nobody.
When I got here in April of 2005, I didn't KNOW anybody here. I read several different groups, went back through days of threads following the conversations and topics and contributed something here and there and eventually someone responded to something I had said (you would not believe how many threads I KILLED first), then someone else commented on my awesome progress, then I joined a challenge, and over time (we're talking about 6-9 MONTHS) I became a familiar name and developed some friendships that I will always cherish.
When you've been reading here for awhile, you start to feel like you really KNOW the posters and you may think this one is really arrogant or that one is incredibly funny, or wow, that one is just so simpatico, and you want to join in. Do it, but remember that the person you are responding to so warmly and familiarly doesn't know you from Jack - yet. She might very well verbally recoil or rebuff you in the same way she would if a total stranger ran up to her in the street and hugged her. We need time to get to know you, too.
My Soapbox
This is also teleported in from the 50+ Board. There are things that come up a LOT. When someone posts a question that violates the WW terms of agreement (points questions, for example) or that asks about the virtues of Hoodia or some other weight loss program, the responses are often fast and furious. The OP (Original Poster) then gets her feelings hurt and accuses the people on the board of being members of a clique. This was my answer to that.
I actually do think it is smart to read posts and hang out and get the lay of the land before jumping in with both feet in your mouth. Each board has a personality of its own in the same way each class a teacher has develops its own persona. Whenever you have a group of individuals coalescing, you will have a new and different dynamic.
But let's say you have been reading the posts, you learned how to use the search button, you never, ever type the word save all by itself in a post, you've read the sites recommended by Cyndi, and one late night after a few drinks, you decide to post. You were tired, you were drinking, and sure enough, 20 people in the same boat jump all down your stuff within 2 minutes of your post.
Seriously, honey, SO WHAT? They don't determine your salary. You don't have to live with them. You don't even have to stay here in the same name if you don't want to.
You really need to think about why you are letting the opinions of a bunch of strangers get you this upset. How you respond to what they say will have more effect on how they get along with you in the future than your original question or comment.
Things not to say: "Can't we all just get along?" Uh, no. "Isn't this a support board?" Yes, we will support your WW efforts. We won't necessarily tell you what you want to hear and some of us will sugarcoat it less than others.
See my other posts for my interpretation of what support is and isn't.
I actually do think it is smart to read posts and hang out and get the lay of the land before jumping in with both feet in your mouth. Each board has a personality of its own in the same way each class a teacher has develops its own persona. Whenever you have a group of individuals coalescing, you will have a new and different dynamic.
But let's say you have been reading the posts, you learned how to use the search button, you never, ever type the word save all by itself in a post, you've read the sites recommended by Cyndi, and one late night after a few drinks, you decide to post. You were tired, you were drinking, and sure enough, 20 people in the same boat jump all down your stuff within 2 minutes of your post.
Seriously, honey, SO WHAT? They don't determine your salary. You don't have to live with them. You don't even have to stay here in the same name if you don't want to.
You really need to think about why you are letting the opinions of a bunch of strangers get you this upset. How you respond to what they say will have more effect on how they get along with you in the future than your original question or comment.
Things not to say: "Can't we all just get along?" Uh, no. "Isn't this a support board?" Yes, we will support your WW efforts. We won't necessarily tell you what you want to hear and some of us will sugarcoat it less than others.
See my other posts for my interpretation of what support is and isn't.
My views on WW "newbies"
I teleported this from the WW 50+ Board. If nothing else, it will make it easier for me to find the next time it's needed.
I don't have ANYthing against people who are new to the WW boards. I welcome you. I do have a problem with people who don't read the literature, who ask points questions so they won't have to pay for WW, and who refuse to learn to use things like the search button or Google and want me to do it for them, and with people who come to a WW board expecting support for things like Hoodia and Weight Loss Surgery.
I also have a problem with people who tell me how to behave (and expect me to actually listen to them), whether they are new or old.
Support means just that. It means telling you that you really do have to follow the plan if you want it to work. It means telling you to get help when you say you are only eating 5 points a day. It means caring enough to say so when you are being self destructive, and teaching you to fish for yourself instead of fishing for you. It doesn't mean agreeing with everything everybody says. It doesn't mean condoning crass stupidity. It doesn't mean everybody is nice to everybody else and we all get along. If that's what you are looking for, maybe you ARE in the wrong place.
Honestly, we will applaud your successes, help you figure out what's going wrong if it's not working, and encourage you when you get discouraged. We will not sugar coat things and sometimes we won't tell you what you obviously want to hear, that you don't have to drink all your water, that you don't really, really need to exercise, that it's okay to skip your healthy oils because you want to eat ice cream instead.
If you want someone to tell you to use Hoodia or how well they did on a different weight loss program, you are probably on the wrong board. We are WW believers here. We KNOW it works, that it's for life, that if it's not working, it's probably something you are doing, or not doing, or you need to see a doctor. Stick with us and you CAN do this. (Oh, WW people, do I get my free month now?)
I don't have ANYthing against people who are new to the WW boards. I welcome you. I do have a problem with people who don't read the literature, who ask points questions so they won't have to pay for WW, and who refuse to learn to use things like the search button or Google and want me to do it for them, and with people who come to a WW board expecting support for things like Hoodia and Weight Loss Surgery.
I also have a problem with people who tell me how to behave (and expect me to actually listen to them), whether they are new or old.
Support means just that. It means telling you that you really do have to follow the plan if you want it to work. It means telling you to get help when you say you are only eating 5 points a day. It means caring enough to say so when you are being self destructive, and teaching you to fish for yourself instead of fishing for you. It doesn't mean agreeing with everything everybody says. It doesn't mean condoning crass stupidity. It doesn't mean everybody is nice to everybody else and we all get along. If that's what you are looking for, maybe you ARE in the wrong place.
Honestly, we will applaud your successes, help you figure out what's going wrong if it's not working, and encourage you when you get discouraged. We will not sugar coat things and sometimes we won't tell you what you obviously want to hear, that you don't have to drink all your water, that you don't really, really need to exercise, that it's okay to skip your healthy oils because you want to eat ice cream instead.
If you want someone to tell you to use Hoodia or how well they did on a different weight loss program, you are probably on the wrong board. We are WW believers here. We KNOW it works, that it's for life, that if it's not working, it's probably something you are doing, or not doing, or you need to see a doctor. Stick with us and you CAN do this. (Oh, WW people, do I get my free month now?)
The Scary Picture
This is from February, 2005. I went on WW in April of 2005.
I've lost 89 pounds since then. I went from covered from head to toe to a swimsuit, which is actually sort of backwards, since I'm a lot colder now.
The Promised Picture
Alrighty then, the real reason you are here. I promised a picture. This is from June, but unfortunately I haven't changed much since then. I suppose you want a before picture now. I have to warn you, it isn't pretty.
What am I doing here?
In case that is what you are now asking yourself, you're in good company - mine!
You probably got here from the WW 50+ Board, so you have no one to blame but yourself.
If you just came for the pictures, you're too early.
My first posts will probably be reposts of my best stuff from the WW board, so you might be bored, especially if you didn't find it all that exciting the first time you read it.
One of my pet peeves about the WW Board is the censorship, but guess what? I reserve veto power. If you want to verbally abuse me or mine, you are going to have to do it over there. We librarians like to call it selection, not censorship. I will, however, attempt to control the urge to correct your spelling, but I might tease you about it.
WW is a big part of my life, so a lot of my posts will be about that, but this is also going to be about working out, knitting, and books.
Hehe. This is going to be fun! Come on in! The water's fine!
You probably got here from the WW 50+ Board, so you have no one to blame but yourself.
If you just came for the pictures, you're too early.
My first posts will probably be reposts of my best stuff from the WW board, so you might be bored, especially if you didn't find it all that exciting the first time you read it.
One of my pet peeves about the WW Board is the censorship, but guess what? I reserve veto power. If you want to verbally abuse me or mine, you are going to have to do it over there. We librarians like to call it selection, not censorship. I will, however, attempt to control the urge to correct your spelling, but I might tease you about it.
WW is a big part of my life, so a lot of my posts will be about that, but this is also going to be about working out, knitting, and books.
Hehe. This is going to be fun! Come on in! The water's fine!
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