Sunday, December 27, 2009

Middle Age Blues

My husband would tell you they're caused by living with two women, one on each end of the hormonal flux. It really isn't my own aging that's getting me down. I'm fine. I just wish I could freeze time for everybody else. Gram passed away in October. Yes, she was 100. Yes, she had a good life. Yes, I was probably as prepared as you get for these things. BUT I still miss her every day and I didn't even see her anything like every day.

But what has me dwelling on the fragility of life today rather than back in October? The dog, who I did see every day. I admit that for the last few weeks, he's been a pain in the neck, barking for hours at a time, but I didn't know he was as ill as he was (and I probably still would have begrudged him the lost sleep, just maybe not as much). Jesse was 13 and also had a good life, but I'm still going to miss him, too.

I was there for Gram and for Jesse close to the end and I'm glad I got to say goodbye to both of them. They won't know, but I will.

They're not the only ones we've lost this year and my age peers seem to be going through the same thing now. I know I'm lucky to have had as much time with my loved ones as I have and I'm going to try to come back more often to this page to record some of those stories Gram told when she was with us in September.

No comments: